I’m in the process of unwinding my father’s life, a necessary part of being an executor, and while he wasn’t big on social media, the very real question of “What happens to all of my virtual information when I die?” has relevance. Many people don’t even document their wishes for the physical things in their life, far less consider their virtual assets.
But I have thought about it, quite a bit.
I suppose for most people the notion of “leaving things behind” when one dies is still a theoretical rather than practical concept, in spite of the fact that we are obviously all going to die at some point. But since being diagnosed with cancer (many years ago, I’m well past the point of worrying it will return) – the idea of dying is one I have lived with for a long time. In so doing, I often find myself in places that most people prefer to avoid, thinking they still have time to think about such things. Such as, what’s going to happen to my digital media once I am no longer physically present.
This website, for example, with its long years of writings that are both personal and practical. (Not to mention my former blog site, cybercoven.org.) Facing North, with its repository of 1000s of reviews dating back to 2006. Always free, just a bit of community service on my part. And, of course, my beloved JaguarMoon Coven. This one is the most easily taken care of, as long as I make a specific bequest for its ownership to transfer to someone I trust within the coven itself. The Art of Ritual Class has already been absorbed and re-mastered by the entire coven, making it no longer solely mine.
What y’all don’t see (or have access to) are the decades of writing and photography that lives on my home server and computer. Those assets require some thought, and direction to those I leave behind.
I see doing this as a way to try to leave my house in order, as it were. My father (bless him) did this to a large extent, and I learned a lot from how he handled things. And from what he overlook, forgot, or just didn’t get to. He had the luxury of both knowing at least several days in advance that he was going to die and was completely mentally healthy. He did things like, leave a pad of paper on his desk with instructions about passwords for all of his digital devices. Downloaded his Contacts (with all of the password info for his online-accessible accounts) onto his desktop. Made sure I knew his key code for his phone. Having access to his email accounts and phone made going through all of the 2F verification a breeze. It’s true that J. and I share a file where we update our passwords, but if we both were to go, I’m not sure who would know to look there. (Or how to access our computers, which have PIN codes.)
Some things he didn’t do that would have been helpful:
- List all subscriptions and bills — print and digital
- List all social media. He always said he wasn’t on social media. But after his death I discovered that he had a Google account and Facebook.
- List complete information for financial institutions. Not just passwords, but security questions and answers.
- Tell us what he wanted done with his remains. He told a friend that he wanted a cremation, but not what to do afterwards.
That last item was a nudge for me to create what I’ve seen referred to as “death letters,” a series of letters to loved ones. While I do make an effort to tell people how much I care for them, I am far better in print. As well, these letters can describe what I hope will happen after my death, the party I want (complete with music suggestions and things gatherers might read), and how I hope my legacy will play out. I do hope they will provide peace of mind and comfort when the time comes.
While I have had some form of Last Will and Testament since late 2009 (cancer days), my health directives are out of date, and I have nothing legally recognized here in Portugal.
Things I have yet to do (and will before the end of October):
- Finalize my US will
- Create a PT will
- File my DNR and other health-related directives here in PT (and create a copy of those directives to carry when I travel)
- Finalize my death letters
How are you doing with your end-of-life preparations?