That’s me in the green two-piece, and this picture sums up an ongoing cycle in my life. In this cycle, I choose to do something beyond my current capabilities, and get a lot of negativity. In response, I dig in and basically just say eff off and do it anyway.
It all works out somehow and I am rewarded for my . . . stubbornness. (Yes, we’ll call it that, thank you.)
Sometimes the negativity is all in me. And that is the worst situation, because fighting with myself is not a natural behavior. It comes out of a place of deeply rooted imposter syndrome, one that exists years after I’ve pretty much proven I do know what I’m talking about, even though I don’t have degrees or best-selling books. People who know me, who check my work, respect me. People I admire and respect, respect me.
At the end of last year I wrote a book, one that I was immensely passionate about in a specific kind of way. This was a special project, conceived in early ’22 and finished within a relatively short time. The Muse was riding with me and I flew through the writing. I sent it off to my publisher fully expecting to get it picked right up because it was one with immense possibility to crossover into mainstream interests. Kind of like a Marianne Williamson, rather than a GreyCat.
. . . and they didn’t want it. Nor did the other two publishers I sent it to. My passion project was rejected as “too niche.” (Being me, I wrote about it, albeit obliquely.)
A wise advisor told me to go the self-publishing route, that if the trad. publishers were rejecting it, they were looking at sales trends and data I didn’t have. My advisor said, basically, they know the market and if you want your book out there, you’ll have to do it yourself. (This was said in the kindest way possible, my stark rendering doesn’t do it justice.)
That was mid-March and I was moving towards self-publishing when an old comrade from the AOL chatroom days reached out to me to do a TV episode about how virtual paganism has evolved. (I know, this doesn’t seem related, trust me to get you there, ok?) We had a great time and afterwards fell into a discussion about future projects.
So, of course, I told them about my rejected book, expecting a bit of commiseration.
Only to hear enthusiastic desire to see my book out in the world.
Then things started happening fast.